Home
by BrilliantDarkness
Summary: As introduced, but not explained, in Shotgun Wedding. Buck has finally found love. It's not how he expected it but then he's not what she expected either.


"The trouble it might weigh you down  
If you get lost, you can always be found  
Just know you're not alone  
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home." Home - Phillip Phillips (Drew Pearson & Greg Holden)

* * *

Buck stood in the room near the bed he had avoided even looking at and felt his pants sliding toward the floor. The woman lowering them gave a half smile and a sultry chuckle of approval to what sprang from inside. The sound and her breath on him only increased his need, desire; he wasn't even sure anymore which it was. He was about to protest once more that this wasn't right, that she didn't have to when he felt her mouth, hot and wet around him. His knees nearly gave out under him and no words escaped him—none that were intelligible at any rate.

Too soon, her mouth left his manhood. And he nearly whined at the loss of her but then she stood and her many, voluptuous curves were pressed tightly to him. Something about it felt so right.

"So how do you want this?" she breathed in a voice that nearly made him lose it right there.

"Huh?"

"What do you want me to do?"

It confused him and then he remembered the circumstances of their situation. Esmeralda was a professional. There was money sitting on the night stand. This wasn't love after all and that realization almost made him up and leave. Almost. But then her fingers stroked up and down his hardened length and he decided that want was as good as love right then and he knew what he wanted. He lifted her slightly and lowered her onto the bed.

Her legs spread in invitation while, imperceptibly to most but not to Buck, a shadow of fear passed behind her eyes. He rested his body next to hers and kissed tenderly behind her ear.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked weakly as the effect of his kisses hit her.

"I'm not waiting," he whispered, "I'm just not rushing."

Her brow furrowed and then relaxed as his lips went back to her neck, more insistent this time. She moaned softly and it made him harder. His kisses increased in fervor as he moved to her breasts. They were full and perfect and made his mouth water at just the thought of getting his lips on them.

Esmeralda was awash with feelings she did not understand. He was aroused when she freed him from his clothing. Many men would have held her head in place when she had put her mouth on him. Others would be in her even now. His need was pressing into her side and her legs were spread for him. She was there for the taking but he wasn't taking. His hands ran over her body, reverently at first and then with a greater urgency.

Her breath caught in her throat when he turned his attention to her breasts. Sure, men had been noticing her breasts since she had developed them and that had been earlier than her friends had. But no one had ever looked at them like Buck did right then. Others looked at them like they were entitled to them. Her body had been a source of pleasure for men for longer than she was comfortable thinking about and she wasn't but twenty years old.

Never before though had she felt it. Sure other women talked about loving the touch of a man and even Esmeralda had been with a few men and sort of enjoyed it but nothing like others went on and on about. Mostly she figured they were lying, making things up…or knew things she didn't. Perhaps they took charge, or did things as they wanted. Esmeralda, for all her so-called experience, knew little of sex.

There had been a time when men were attractive to her, when she would see one across a room and wish he would be the one to choose her. Now she no longer cared. One was very like the next. Perhaps she had been wrong about that though. Now that she thought about it, Buck had something in him, something in his eyes that moved her in ways she'd never known.

Currently his fingers worked at one of her breasts while his tongue worked the other. Sure men had wanted to touch them before but it had never been like this. Then the hand that had been on her breast, worked its way down between her spread legs. She expected to feel fingers inside her. Some men liked to touch a woman there but his fingers found a spot she'd never known before. When he touched it, she gave a soft cry and she could feel his smile against her breast.

"Relax," he whispered against her skin.

That was not something she did with men, relax. Somehow though, his touch, his voice, his eyes…she could relax. Her head fell into her pillow as she let herself get lost in what he was doing.

Buck propped his head onto his elbow so that he could watch her face. His conversation with her earlier had been revealing. He was sure she'd never known the pleasure that could come from being with a man. He wanted to see the effects of that pleasure.

He watched her forehead furrow as she bit her lip whimpering lightly. She released her lip and gasped as his fingers entered her and then he resumed circling the small hardening of desire. Her breathing came faster and her breasts rising and falling with that breath were near mesmerizing. He felt she was close but holding back, fighting against it.

Esmeralda had been with many men. Sometimes it had been her choice to an extent and more than once she had been forced. She had learned a control had to be kept over herself with them. If a man desired her to cry out as if in pleasure, she did but it was always by his direction. Now she was feeling a loss of control over her mind, her body, her everything and it scared her. She had been grinding her hips into his hand and arching her back nearly off the bed but now she tensed and looked to see his soulful dark eyes looking back at her.

His lips descended on hers and her eyes grew wide. Much had been required of her mouth through the years but never had it been kissed. He pressed his lips tenderly at first and then took advantage of her shock and eased his tongue into her mouth. His hand between her legs never stopped and it was becoming a struggle to keep herself from getting lost in the sensations. The kiss ended and she wished it hadn't. It was so sweet and normal and something near to loving. Esmeralda felt Buck's long hair tickle the side of her face as he lowered his head next to hers.

"It's okay," he murmured to her, "I've got you."

A man saying he had her had never made her feel safe before and she knew it probably shouldn't now but something inside of her released her tension and fear as his words swept over her. Soon she was becoming once again overwhelmed by the sensations his fingers were bringing to her. She gripped his shoulders tightly and cried out something that might have been a word but probably wasn't. If it was, she was certain it wasn't in English.

She felt him tighter to her side, still hard and needing and, while she understood what he had wanted to do before, she now didn't comprehend why he wasn't inside her. But then he took her hand and placed it on the hardness.

"You decide how we finish this," he said softly.

She looked at him confused and then realized…realized he had meant all of the things he had said earlier. It would only take a few strokes and he would be at his end and if she didn't want him inside her, she would never have to. That left her thinking a little.

"I don't want to pressure you, Esmeralda, but could you hurry up and do whatever you're going to do?"

His voice was strained and she understood. For maybe the first time ever, she wanted a man inside her. Everything else had felt so different with Buck and she wanted to know if this would too. She spread her legs further and he still just looked at her. He was going to make her say it. He would not just take hints or make assumptions.

"I want you inside me," she said emphasizing her words by tugging gently at his manhood, pulling him toward her.

Buck sighed in relief. He had wanted to be in her, had wanted it from possibly the moment he laid eyes on her but he just couldn't do what she didn't want, especially knowing how little her own wants amounted to in her life. By the time she answered, he was near to desperate and was about to finish himself with his own hand. Part of him wanted to take the hint when she spread her legs but it felt important that she be allowed to speak her desires. Like he was setting a precedent or something.

But having been given permission, he positioned himself between her legs and pushed forward. He was glad to have brought her bliss before because this wasn't going to last long enough to do much for her now. In fact, no more than half a dozen thrusts later, his body tensed and pumped his release into her.

He nearly collapsed onto her but rolled to the side and wrapped his arms around her pulling her tight to him. Then he pressed a kiss to her forehead as he stroked her shining black hair. The moisture came hot on his chest, first one drop and then another and then more than he could count as Esmeralda shook in his arms.

"I'm sorry," he whispered still petting her hair.

"Why?" she asked lifting her head and finding his eyes with her watery ones.

"That wasn't the best-ˮ

"I'm a…it doesn't have to be…just for you," she furrowed her brow as if frustrated at not being able to form a complete sentence.

"I've upset you though," Buck said, "I never meant to do that."

She gave a sudden exhalation of air that he quickly realized was some sort of laugh.

"I'm not upset," she explained, "I don't know what I am. I never felt like that before…I didn't know…"

He smiled and arched an eyebrow at her.

"I don't even think that's the best I can do," he said with a grin, "Give me a few minutes and we'll see if I can manage to do better. If you're game that is."

He felt her head nod against his chest and then a whisper so soft he barely heard it.

"Wo-would you kiss me again?"

Buck smiled at her. When they had met she had seemed so self-assured, so womanly, so controlled. She was no longer any of those things. Her eyes were wide and unsure and her voice tentative. Her lips though were just as inviting as ever.

Esmeralda felt bold asking anything of a man. That had never been how things worked but then this encounter with Buck had broken the rules from the moment they had met.

* * *

_Hours earlier…_

"What're we doing here, Cody?" Buck asked staring at the glass of beer in front of him and then back up to distastefully take in his surroundings. They were in a saloon. These were not always the happiest of places for Buck. He wasn't a big drinker and he cared little for gambling. That only left one other activity and even if he put aside how few women would try to attract him as a customer, he had numerous problems with the idea of being with any of them anyway.

It reminded him too much of his mother and how she had been nothing but something for a man to use and throw away. He might not be forcing them but he knew that these women often had few other options and that felt the same. Spreading their legs to strangers just to keep food in their bellies was much the same and the way the men then thought of them turned his stomach. It was the way the man whose blood shamefully coursed through his own veins had surely thought of his mother.

Buck knew too many good women and knew that any of them but for the grace of whatever god they wanted to acknowledge could have been swishing the skirts of revealing dresses and rubbing against drunk and vulgar men. So, in short, Buck rarely found a need to be in the walls of a place like this. But he had run into Cody while he'd been out looking for some horses for the ranch he and Ike had been building and Cody'd dragged him in here.

"We're going to have some fun, Buck," Cody replied with a sadness behind his sparkling blue eyes, a sadness that spoke of a longing for the good old days. "You remember fun, don't you?"

Buck nodded, "Don't recall it ever coming in one of these places. I think you and I have different ideas of what that word means."

Cody gave a small smirk.

"Give it a chance, Buck," he replied, "You ain't seen the dancing girls yet. Each one a perfect vision of womanhood and oh so talented." He paused a beat before adding, "Decent dancers too."

Buck rolled his eyes. There was a measure of comfort to be found in the things that stayed the same, he thought and William F. Cody never changed. Still he turned his head toward the stage when he heard the music start.

About a half dozen women came out in dresses well off their shoulders and skirts that landed somewhere barely below their knees. They began to jump around and dance and actually the dancing was enjoyable but Buck could tell the other men in the establishment were reacting more to the amount of leg and cleavage on display.

Then he saw her. Her eyes like twinkling stars in the midnight sky, her hair as black as a raven's feather bouncing around her shoulders, her skin golden brown and luminous. She was beautiful, maybe the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her head was high and her smile wide and warm.

"You like Esmeralda, do you?" Cody asked leaning toward him. "I usually favor Lola there myself but I can see the appeal."

Buck swallowed hard.

"Esmeralda?" he croaked, "That's her name?"

Buck felt the pat on his shoulder as Cody stood and walked away. Buck didn't even pay attention to where his friend went. He was far too busy watching Esmeralda bounce around the stage and the way the sparkly parts of her outfit caught the footlights.

When the ladies left the stage, Buck felt empty somehow. It perplexed him but he knew he felt it all the same. Soon though he felt something else. There was a hand gripping his and he looked over to find himself staring into Esmeralda's deep, dark eyes. She gave him a smile and just gestured with her head to follow as she pulled his hand to lead the way.

He followed still not understanding. Of course if he'd thought about it, what happened next wouldn't have taken him by surprise.

Soon they were standing in a room with a bed in it and not much else. There was a small stand with a lamp and a chair in the corner next to a wardrobe. He was starting to understand when she made it perfectly clear by reaching into her corset and pulling out a small wad of money that she laid on the nightstand. His thoughts turned angrily to Cody. Maybe he shouldn't be angry with the man, he thought he was doing Buck a favor for sure but Buck did not feel that way.

He wanted to say as much to Esmeralda but she was removing her clothes and all he could do was watch with his mouth hanging open a little ways. In time she stood naked before him and began to unbutton his shirt. She still had not spoken but she hardly needed to in order to make her command of the situation evident. He just couldn't do this though. Looking around frantically he spotted a robe draped over the chair and grabbed it quickly and put it over her shoulders.

She looked startled a moment and then put her well practiced smile of seduction back in place.

"That's a new one," she said in a thick accent. Buck placed it immediately as Mexican. "Most want to see me."

He swallowed hard and tried to meet her eyes but that was hard with her intense stare that she'd practiced. It was the stare that got men into her bed and her into their wallets.

"I like looking at you," he said shakily, "I think I like looking at you too much."

"You're allowed to look," she said casting a glance to the money sitting on the stand next to the bed. "You're allowed to touch too."

She emphasized her point by taking one of his hands and placing it on one of her breasts. He let it drop.

"I won't use you. It's not right. I only know your name because Cody told me. It's Esmeralda, right?"

She nodded, "Esmeralda, yes. Maybe you tell me your name and you feel better?"

"Buck," he managed to spit out once again distracted by her eyes. "Buck Cross."

She opened the robe and looked to him in question but he reached and pulled the edges of the robe together and shook his head.

"No," he said, "It's still not right. Money don't give me a right to…you're a person, Esmeralda…not something on a store shelf."

Wordlessly she picked the money up from the nightstand and held it out to him.

"It's not mine," he said refusing to take it.

"Give it back to your friend then," she said, "I don't keep what I don't earn."

"You should keep it," he tried to insist.

"I don't need your charity," she nearly hissed and threw the money in his face. "I know what I am and what I'm good for. But I earn my own way."

Buck cocked his head to the side and thought for a moment before speaking.

"That money buys your time, right?"

She nodded.

"I can choose how to spend it, right?"

Again she nodded. Buck shot her a loopy smile more befitting the face of a young boy than the strapping man he was before moving to sit on the chair. He nodded to the bed.

"Have a seat," he said, "Let's talk."

She eyed him warily as she did as he instructed. It was the first chink in her self-assured armor.

Talk they did. He asked her about her family. Her father had run off shortly after she'd been born and her mother had raised her alone. If there was other family maybe back in Mexico, she didn't know. Or, at least, she didn't know how to find them. She knew her mother had sisters and a brother but their names or where they might live would always be a mystery.

She ventured to ask about him. Esmeralda had never thought to even care if any of the men who visited her chamber were married or had sisters or brothers. This man was different though. He told her of his mother and what very little he knew of his father, of his life in the village and how that came to such an abrupt halt. He went on to tell of his found family and that a member of that found family was how he had come to be with her.

How their talking had led to him standing next to her or her undoing his pants, neither of them would remember later. Nor would they care as they were laying in each other's arms catching their breath.

* * *

Buck kissed Esmeralda deeply and heard her sigh and felt her tears fall onto his cheeks. He never could have thought that a kiss could have this effect on anyone, especially one with her experiences. But then, maybe kissing was an experience she hadn't had much. He'd heard whores weren't to be kissed like this. But he wanted to and so he did and she wanted him to which made him desire it all the more.

"I think I might like to spend the rest of the night just kissing you," he murmured to her, "I really think I would. I might just unless you have other ideas."

Esmeralda ran her hand between his legs.

"I think it is you who has other ideas," she said impishly.

"Whatever should we do about that?" he growled low in her ear.

"I am sure a big strong man like you are can figure that out," she replied breathlessly.

"I could but maybe I want to see what ideas you come up with."

He rolled her on her side facing him and his lips descended on her neck. He licked, sucked, nibbled and kissed from her collarbone to her jaw and back again while his fingers caressed and teased at her breasts.

Esmeralda felt the liquid heat building in her belly. She wanted him, needed him and he laid there taunting her with a smile. He wanted her just as badly, she knew it, she could see. But he seemed perfectly content to drive her mad. He didn't even run his hands down between her legs. But, oh, she wanted him to. Easing a leg across his pelvis, she ground her wet heat against his hip. It was as close as she could come to begging for what she wanted without uttering the words. She couldn't though.

Buck heard her whimpers. He knew what she wanted but it wasn't that easy. It couldn't be for him. Finally he heard a word whispered softly, desperately in his ear. "Please."

"Don't ask for what I'm offering. Take what you want, Esmeralda. Just take it."

She hesitated only a moment and then pulled herself astride him. Buck smiled at her. This wasn't a move he expected nor was it one he thought she had ever done before but it was a good move all the same. He kept his hands busy on her breasts and waited to see what she would do next.

Esmeralda's hand ran down his chest and grabbed a hold of what she really wanted. Once again her uncertainty overtook her and she looked at him questioning. He let his hands slip to her hips where he gently lifted her more onto her knees and nodded to her.

She still hesitated and he lifted a hand to tuck a thick wave of her hair behind her ear.

"You are beautiful," he said reverently, "I want to give you what you want. Let me do that."

Her hand was wrapped around what she wanted but she didn't want it in her hand…she wanted it to be somewhere else. She gave one more uncertain look and found only tenderness in his eyes. Easing down, she encased him in her depths and felt as much as heard his grateful moan. He felt so good within her. She'd never had a man like this and she thought she'd had them every way possible. That place that he had rubbed earlier was now pinned against him and wanting her to move. She did. Tentatively at first but then it felt good and she no longer cared how she looked or anything else. The only thing coming from him was encouraging words. He told her how good he felt, how beautiful she was, how good she was, how he needed her, wanted her. His words were almost as good as the friction between them and how he felt inside her.

Buck watched her inhibitions fade as she took control of what she needed. Her breasts bounced, her face flushed, her eyes half closed and her brow furrowed slightly as he knew the pleasure was rising inside her. Nothing could have been more arousing than seeing her like this. He was surprised he held out as long as he did but he wanted to see her tumble over that edge before he did anything that might stop her. Once he felt her tightening around him and heard her cry out words that he didn't understand but still got the full meaning of, he let himself go.

Esmeralda felt it build within her, overwhelming her. Her movements became frantic to feel more. Every movement she felt she could never feel better but then the next would prove her wrong. In time, she was falling or floating. It should have been almost frightening to have lost her grip on everything so completely but there were arms around her. It was as if she had run off a cliff and for a moment felt weightless and free but before the fearful rapid descent could begin, she was gently lowered into tender arms and a soft mattress.

He held her tight and whispered sweet words in her ears. It was like a dream, one she hadn't ever even thought to dream.

They slept little, talked some and made love many more times before they could see the world through the little window getting ready to greet a new day. Buck stood and gathered his clothes. He was soon dressed and heading for the door. He wanted to turn back and kiss her one last time and was even thinking about doing just that when he heard her voice, small and tentative.

"Stay…please, don't go."

He looked at her with one eyebrow arched in question.

Esmeralda couldn't believe she had voiced such a desire and she was even more startled by her next words.

"Or…or take me with you?"

She dropped her eyes and looked away. It was a pathetic request coming from the most pathetic excuse for a whore. True she'd never set out to be a whore but then none of the other's did either. It wasn't a life to be liked but one to be accepted. She thought she had accepted it until he crossed her doorway. She barely registered his voice through her shame.

"You'd better get dressed then," he said, "Es…yoo-hoo…Esmeralda."

He nearly sang her name and she looked up at him fearfully. The light tone of his voice made her certain he was laughing at her, laughing at the very idea that he would take a common whore with him.

"I said you need to get dressed," he half chuckled, "I can't go riding out with a naked woman and you'd catch your death for sure."

Her jaw fell open. Was he saying what she thought he was?

Buck wasn't sure why he said what he did. It was a reaction without thought but then he knew it was right. Sometimes it was best to let your heart rule your mouth instead of your head. She still sat there just looking at him. His heart broke a little for her. He would just have to work a bit for her to see what she really was, the beautiful, tender soul he had seen. He walked to the wardrobe and opened it. There was a carpet bag in the bottom and a few dresses hanging within. He pulled out a dark purple dress. It was a simple calico cloth with little embellishment. It was not something he expected to find there. He nearly tossed it to her but she was still sitting there just following him with her eyes.

"Es," he said sitting on the bed and placing the dress in her hands. "I can't explain this. I just know it's right. You do too or you wouldn't have even asked me. Put the dress on and we'll pack whatever else you want to take with you. This isn't your life anymore. I want you to have a new one…with me."

"With you?"

He nodded solemnly and then bent his head to brush his lips gently over hers.

"I was thinking forever would work for me," he told her nonchalantly, "Unless you had plans you can't change."

She shook her head.

"That's good," he went on, "Because I think I might've fallen in love with you. There's something about you, Es, something good and sweet and pure."

"I'm not pure," she argued.

"Perhaps your body isn't…but your heart, your soul…as the driven snow."

She raised a hand to his face, unashamed as the sheet fell away from her body revealing her nakedness.

"I…I…" the words died on her tongue, too bold.

"What is it, Es?" he asked, "Say it…whatever it is you can say it to me."

She only shook her head.

"You're not what you think, what you've been told. You're beautiful and sweet. I want you to feel you can tell me anything. I do love you, Es. I do."

With the strength given her by his words, she raised her eyes to his and held his gaze steadily.

"I love you too."

A short while later, Esmeralda was dressed in the simple purple dress and they were filling the bag with her few worldly possessions.

"I don't have much of proper dresses," she said apologetically, "I can make more so I don't shame you."

He took her face in his hands so swiftly that it almost frightened her.

"You could never shame me," he told her almost sternly, "You want to make new dresses, you can make new dresses…I don't care about such things, Es."

She wasn't sure why but her heart fluttered every time he shortened her name to just 'Es'. She could only nod at him through the tears that sprang from the realization that he did really love her and this was really forever. It was frightening and then it wasn't at all. She did love him. That was no lie. He had told her so much of himself and had only kissed and held her as she spoke of her own life, the pains, the joys and the humiliations. She had avoided putting any of her working clothes in the bag. This was a new life and she really didn't care for them anyway. But she looked to see him holding up the dress she had danced in the night before with a mischievous grin.

"Do you think we can pack this?" he asked, "I kind of liked how it looked on you."

She took it from him and stuffed it into the bag.

"Maybe I wear it for you," she said playfully and then her whole demeanor changed and the next words she spoke were a solemn vow, "Only for you."

Buck swallowed hard and what was under her words. He had been the one to talk of forever, to mention it first. But was this really what he wanted? He looked at her and needed not even a fraction of a second to know that yes he did. He took her hands and pulled her to sit next to him on the bed.

"Es," he began, his palms suddenly so wet and his mouth suddenly so dry. "I want to talk about something."

Esmeralda's heart sank. He said forever but he did not mean it. Or he did not mean forever only with her. Perhaps he had another, perhaps he was even married. He was a very handsome and kind man. She forced the tears back and made herself look him in the eye to face what came next.

"I, uh, I love you. I know I said that before but it bears repeating. I want to be with you forever, you and only you. I just don't know what that means. I mean we could get married but to me and the way I think about such things, we're already joined. I guess lots of people have what they call common-law marriages. I guess I just don't care what the law says too much. And the god I believe in already knows what's in our hearts. We've promised ourselves to each other without really saying as much. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I think so?"

"The thing is, Es, I don't know how you feel. About marriage that is. I mean. What I see in your eyes when you look at me and what's in your voice, behind your words—that's enough for me. But if you need…well, if you need a ceremony, a church…I can do that. I'll even get on one knee and ask you properly."

She tilted her head to one side and pondered his words a moment and then set her face to choose her words very carefully.

"We are married," she said taking one of his hands and placing it over her heart while laying on of hers over the beating in his chest. "In here we are. I want no one else. I need no one else. I love you."

He pulled her into a tight embrace which she melted into and then he heard a soft whisper against his neck.

"Can I tell you something too?"

Buck pulled back to look at her in question.

"I like it when you call me 'Es'."

* * *

They had been travelling for two days. Every night they stopped at a town where there was a hotel to stay at. The first night the clerk asked them to sign in and looked distastefully at them. Buck thought there might be a problem with his skin or hers. But then Buck had signed them in as Mr. and Mrs. Cross and the man relaxed some. Perhaps they weren't the most welcome of guests but at least they were seen as respectable.

On this particular day, they were stopped for lunch. It was a lovely grassy clearing and Esmeralda had gasped when she saw it so Buck decided it was the perfect place to stop.

He sat and nibbled on an apple and then felt breath hot on his neck.

"Buck?" Esmeralda whispered with just the hint of a giggle. The hairs on Buck's neck stood on end. He had only begun to discover her playful side but nothing was so enticing to him as her giggle or the way her eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Es?" he said softly back trying to mimic her playful tone.

"I love you," she cooed in a sing-song in his ear as she slid her arms around his neck from behind.

"I love you too."

"I want to know every little thing about you," she went on enunciating every syllable in her distinct accent that made his heart flip.

"I'll tell you all you want to know," he offered, "Just ask…what are you wondering about me right now, Es?"

She kissed him lightly on his neck and then gently dug her fingers into his ribs wiggling them a bit as she said, "Are you ticklish?"

She then giggled and ran from him as he tried to grab at her. He jumped up and ran after her.

"Oh, I'll get you, you little scamp!" he laughed. Esmeralda stopped running and laughed harder.

"Mama called me the same thing. Picarita…little scamp."

"Picarita…I like it," he said smiling.

That evening they rolled into a town and Buck looked around spotting what he needed.

"Picarita," he said to her and watched happily as she blushed, "Come with me…I have a surprise."

Esmeralda went to him and looped her hand through his offered arm.

"Where are we going?"

"I said it was a surprise," he said, "You trust me, don't you, Es?"

"I do…Surprises are sometimes not good."

He stopped and turned to her. The thought that she would think anything he would do might be a bad surprise. He knew enough of her life to know not to take it personally. But it hurt him all the same. It hurt him to think of the people who had hurt her, let her down.

"Esmeralda," he began emphasizing the use of her full name. "My sweet Picarita, I will not allow those kinds of surprises near you. Not ever. Es, you have to know by now how I feel about you. I hate so much of the life you've led. It's all new now. Please come with me. Please."

She smiled.

"I should not doubt you."

Her hand looped back through his arm and she looked to him to lead on. He did across to a small store. They went in and were greeted hesitantly by the man behind the counter.

"Good afternoon," Buck said returning the greeting. "My wife and I…well, we're newlyweds you see. Things happened in kind of a whirl. I just couldn't let another day pass without putting a ring on her pretty little hand."

The older man softened. There was something about this couple. Something genuine and true. True love was special and far be it from Jerry Abrams to stand it its way and refuse to sell those in such love a wedding ring. He heard the tiny voice come from next to the young Indian lad.

"We need two rings," Esmeralda said opening her purse. Buck put a hand over hers and shook his head. Then he leaned to whisper to her.

"You want me to wear a ring too?"

She nodded.

"Then I will."

Straightening up he looked back at the man behind the counter.

"Two rings…matching."

* * *

The next day found the pair riding into Rock Creek and beyond it to where Buck and Ike had their ranch. As they passed through the town, Esmeralda's attention was brought from her staring at the gold band on her finger by Buck stopping.

"You said we will live on ranch," she said sounding confused.

"We will, Picarita, we will," he replied, "First we need to stop here. Come in so I can introduce you."

They walked into the marshal's office. Buck was pleased that Rachel was there as well, bringing Teaspoon his lunch.

"Well, look who finally wandered back home, Rachel," Teaspoon said looking up at the doorway.

"Buck!" Rachel exclaimed rushing to hug him. "We expected you yesterday or even the day before."

"I ran into Cody," he began to explain, "And he introduced me to my wife."

This even brought Teaspoon out of his chair.

"It was kind of a sudden thing but…well, you know when you just feel it's right."

Buck turned and leaned out of the door and motioned to someone outside. Rachel and Teaspoon watched as a young woman stepped into the office. She was obviously at least part Mexican with her dark eyes, hair and brown skin. She looked unsure and perhaps fearful. Of course coming into meet the family for the first time as Buck's wife…Rachel thought she would be a little nervous too. The girl was pretty. Much shorter than Buck with a very curvaceous figure. Her dark hair was pulled up loosely beneath her hat and she wore a simple dark purple dress.

"Come on in, Picarita," Buck said in a soothing tone. "They won't bite. Teaspoon, Rachel…I want you to meet my wife Esmeralda. Es, this is Teaspoon and Rachel…I told you about them, remember?"

Esmeralda was overwhelmed by the way Buck's family received her. They didn't ask a thing about her past and when Rachel did ask how they met, Buck told her the truth. That she'd danced in a tiny dress or been with men didn't seem to matter to the pretty blonde woman. There was a feeling that settled into Esmeralda at that moment. It was a feeling of being home, of being safe and loved and cared for.

* * *

"This," Buck declared as they neared a large spread of land, "Is home."

Esmeralda looked around. There was so much space. She could see horses in corrals, barns and two houses. The houses were not too close together that the inhabitants would lose privacy but they were close enough that perhaps they could see each other sometimes. Maybe it would be nice.

A smiling man rode alongside them as they neared the house. He did not speak but Esmeralda knew from Buck's description that this was Ike and he would not talk, he could not. He had a kind face though and Esmeralda decided that she liked him. Once they got to the first house, a woman came out to greet them. There were two small boys at her feet and her belly was rounded with another child. This would be Ike's Emily. She was very friendly and had a smile almost as kind as Ike's. Everyone was nice and kind to her. Ike and Emily insisted that once she had settled into her home that she and Buck should come over and eat supper with them. As nice as they were and as beautiful as the land was around her, she felt dread.

Buck felt a change in Es as she met his best friend. It concerned him but he thought perhaps she was just tired from the trip and overwhelmed at the amount of people she'd had to meet today.

"Welcome home," he declared, "I hope you like it."

"It's lovely," she said but it sounded empty. He went to her and hugged her from behind.

"You sound tired, Picarita," he whispered kissing her temple, "I'll show you our room. It needs a woman's touch but it'll be fine for you to rest a bit."

She nodded and allowed him to lead her to the bedroom. It was clean and sparsely decorated. But the bed looked soft and the quilt atop it had been made with love…perhaps by Rachel and perhaps by someone else.

Buck saw her study the quilt.

"Emma made it," he explained, "She had made wedding quilts for Ike and Emily and Jimmy and Alice and Kid and Josie…she said she worried that I wasn't sleeping warm enough. I'll have to write her. She'll be happy to hear about you. Get some rest."

He looked at her then. She looked even more upset, sad and maybe even scared. He kissed her forehead.

"Maybe I need a nap too," he said and lay down with her. Esmeralda fell asleep in Buck's strong arms. They did nothing to relieve the feeling of dread.

Supper was wonderful and Ike and Emily were as kind as they had seemed at first. Emily was a wonderful cook.

"I do not know how to cook like this," Esmeralda said.

"I can teach you," Emily offered, "Have you done much cooking?"

"I can cook…things Mama taught me. Things she grew up eating in Mexico."

"That's exciting," Emily said, "I think I might like to learn some new dishes."

"Maybe once we get settled a bit more Es and I can have your bunch over."

It had been nice and Esmeralda tried to put away the sad feelings. Once they were home though, Buck knew. He could see what was wrong. He had known all night.

"Es, something's bothering you…what is it?"

She looked helplessly at him and then began to cry.

"This is so nice here. The people, your family, so nice and so nice to me."

"Then you should have happy tears," Buck said looking completely bewildered, "Yours aren't happy."

He reached to stroke her face and she turned away sharply.

"You should have what Ike has," she said, "You are a good man like him and you should have the things he has."

"I do now."

"No. His wife can give him what I cannot give you."

"I don't understand, Es…you've given me everything. I never even thought I would find a woman I could love who would love me without considering my skin. You with me is all I want or need."

"You should be a father…"

"There's time for that."

"All the time in the world will not make a difference."

"You can't have children, my Picarita?"

"I was with child once and I could not work if I was with child and I could not care for a child so I was given something and the pains came and then much blood. So much blood. A doctor came and made the blood stop finally. He said he didn't know if I could have another chance…since then I have been with many men but I have never again been with child."

She slipped the ring off of her finger and handed it to him. He took it but held her hand in his. Then, turning her hand over in his he slid the ring back into its rightful place and kissed over where it nestled against her knuckles.

"The doctor wasn't sure. Then you can't be either. And I don't care. I have you. If children come then I will be happy to see your eyes sparkling in their faces. If none come then I will be satisfied with your eyes, your smile…"

"It is not fair of me to ask this of you."

"You didn't ask it. I want this. Who knows…there might just be a little one trying to take hold in there right now."

* * *

Months passed. The rest of the family was told of Buck's happy news. Some were even able to come to visit. Of all of them, Buck might have been the one everyone worried for the most. Noah could find a Negro woman but things weren't so simple for Buck. Esmeralda made him happy though and for that they all were grateful.

One day Buck was leaning on a fence next to Ike watching a new foal with its mother.

'Have you ever seen such a beautiful thing?' Ike signed.

"Yes," Buck said smiling at the dark haired woman blissfully rocking an infant on his porch. "Yes I have."

Esmeralda rocked and looked up from the little girl slumbering in her arms and smiled. Her worries had been for nothing. There had never been anything wrong with her according to the doctor in Rock Creek. She could have all the babies they wanted.

She saw her husband talking with his brother. It was a good sight. He looked to her and even at her distance she could see the love in his eyes and raised a hand in a wave to him. He returned it and her heart filled to overflowing. She'd wandered so much since her mother had died. She'd been led and directed but now…now she was home. And if they moved tomorrow, as long as Buck was by her side, as long as it was his arms that held her through her nights, she would always be home.

* * *

**So...a couple days of crocheting and reading books and watching chick flicks and I am feeling so much better. So I thought I would write how Buck met Esmeralda...as promised.**

**I need to thank dear Alfie for helping me find a good term of endearment for Buck to use for Es. **

**And brace yourself folks...about to start my next story (for nano-better late than never) and the research I need has me studying Ted Bundy. Hold onto those pearls! **

**And special thank you to Myrtle for saving me this past week. Without you, my dear friend...I would still be hunched over this thing crying over what a talentless hack I am. Thank you sweetie for looking out for my best interests when I just don't do it myself.**

**For the rest of you, let me know what you think...I don;t think I did anything horridly controversial in this story. Unless you have a problem with the sexytimes. In which case, don't read M-rated stories...hehehehe. So yeah...I'm baaaa-aack!-J**


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